Finding Your WHY

Do you know WHY you do what you do? Not knowing is the fastest way to losing your passion and drive, burning out, and going through life asleep.

Over dinner, two friends and I were discussing the twists and turns of our careers and our lives that led us to exactly where we are now. There we were, a surgeon, a lawyer and a TV exec. All of us had a checklist of career goals we wanted to achieve.  Because we worked our butts off and worked so hard against all odds, we’ve done them all.

Being the Type-A women that we were, we needed to check off every goal to prove to ourselves that there wasn’t a dream too high to reach. But of the three, two of us have shifted gears and made changes to the way we viewed success and what we wanted out of life. One of us is now facing that fork in the road.

When we chose a different path, were we ungrateful for everything we had at that point? Absolutely NOT. We couldn’t stress enough how blessed and lucky we felt. But we also couldn’t deny that feeling in our gut that told us we’ve done what we could on this path, and that it’s time to take another one.

My friend the surgeon moved out of surgical practice to pursue a path in global cancer research, working alongside some of the best minds in the world. On the one hand, she struggled with the idea that she’s no longer a practicing surgeon and worried about the raised eyebrows of her peers who were secretly wondering why she decided to take a ‘step backward.’ Some might have viewed it as giving up or giving in. But that’s far from the truth.

How can performing surgery and finding a cure for cancer be compared? One is not better than the other. They are both crucial to man’s survival. The fact of the matter is, the idea that being a surgeon is more ‘prestigious’ is self-inflicted, borne out of socially imposed standards, perhaps a belief by highly educated people who took themselves too seriously.

As I said, my path had been similar. I gave up a high-paying TV job because I no longer felt it fulfilled the why at the core of my career and life decisions. I wasn’t driven by money, nor was I in a precarious situation where I needed to stay for the money. Money was certainly not my ‘why.’ So I gave up the job… with much difficulty. Telling my boss I wanted to leave felt like I was breaking up with someone.

After I left, I also struggled with the idea that because I was no longer seen on air as often as before, that I’d be dismissed by my peers. Again, it was far from the truth. I chose to leave the industry because that irrational inner voice, that gut-feel I trust, told me to do so. In the end, I was more afraid of stagnating in a job I no longer believed in than risking it in the unknown.

Both of us could have easily chosen to stay on the more prestigious path. It might not have made us happier, but it would have satisfied our egos and our long-held belief that this was what being successful meant. But we chose differently and the reason we did so was because we wanted to follow the why of our lives. We needed to know WHY we did what we did.

I came across a video of Marie Forleo sharing her career journey, and she did the exact same thing. She gave up an opportunity to work at Vogue to start her own online business. Prestige versus her why.

The other friend with us for dinner is a lawyer. She’s facing a fork in the road very similar to ours and many of you out there. She admits she has never taken the time to reflect and really ask herself what she wants. She doesn’t even know where to start.

The best place to start is to go through the decisions you’ve made in your life and ask yourself the WHY behind each one.

Why did you choose this career path? (For the money? The prestige? To help people? To do what your parents wanted you to? To have stability because you have 5 mouths to feed? To feel secure because you have nobody?)

Why did you choose this man? Why do you binge eat? Why do you love travelling so much? Why do you always take the easiest path? Why do you always take the hardest path?

Whatever it is, finding your WHY is understanding what lies in your core, your heart, your soul. This will help you understand if you’re making your choices for yourself or for other people. It will tell you whether or not your happiness comes from within you, or you’re trying to please others in order to get their approval. Finding your why is the bare-naked truth of what drives you in life. If you use this as your life’s compass, it doesn’t matter how much circumstances change, you’ll know how to navigate through anything.

If, for example, you find out your why is an unhealthy need to be praised because you feel inadequate, then you’ll be able to address it accordingly. But that’s for another post.

xx

TLC